5 Reasons Why You Keep Getting Stuck in Therapy
Do you often feel like you're taking two steps forward and 5 steps back? Maybe you’re going to therapy, maybe you’ve been in the past. Maybe you’ve started reading books, listening to podcasts and doing some of your own self-growth work at home but you can't seem to shake the old patterns that sent you down this path in the first place. It’s not just you, you’re not broken.
There are reasons why we get stuck in the same place even though we think we’re doing the work, here are a few:
It’s safe for your nervous system to stay exactly in the same patterns.
Even though it may seem backward- staying exactly where you are is the safest thing for your nervous system. It feels safe to be in the known, even if the current way of doing things is causing problems. Think about it this way, you've been living in the same patterns for probably most of your life. And nowm even if you understand what those negative patterns are, they're not going to change just because you understand them.
Logic does not always mean change. Action means change.
When we're caught in the negative cycles, sometimes that change is threatening on a physical and unconscious level. So, even though logically it seems understandable to do the things you know will help you, your nervous system thinks differently.
In fact, it’s not thinking logically at all, it's behaving and reacting to protect you, based on past experiences. Our nervous system reactions are primal. It was developed this way for a good reason, survival reasons. It helped us run away from a bear that was trying to eat us originally, but at this point in life, we don't need those same reactions. Healing our nervous system means telling it that we don’t need to react that way anymore and that we’re safe.
In order to grow, we have to get uncomfortable and do the things that are hard and scare us.
If you've ever gone through a big transition in life, or are going through one now, you may have felt that it can be difficult to go through that transition because it means a change from your norm. Even if it's an exciting change, it still might be a threat to your nervous system if your nervous system is stuck in the stress response. In order to get out of that stress response, we have to be uncomfortable changing it. It's not going to feel good all the time to change your nervous system's automatic responses, because it feels threatening at first. It's going to feel odd, uncomfortable, fearful.
You "know" all the things on a cognitive, thinking, level but don't practice living it in your body.
Practicing calming the nervous systems means understanding how to be in our bodies instead of bypassing them.
Have you ever noticed that when you feel anxious, your body really feels it?
That's because anxiety lives within our body, not just the thought in our mind. In order to change those thoughts and our patterns, we have to also work with the sensations in the body. Working with the body is really what I mean by nervous system work. There are unconscious patterns that live in the cells of our body that are not often known or understood. Doesn’t mean we can’t work with it. Healing in our bodies means sitting with those uncomfortable feelings, and allowing them to be there which transforms how we experience the feelings and experiences in life.
You have a judgmental mind taking over criticizing everything you're doing wrong or not doing.
The more judgmental we are about our journey, the less we will see progress. If you're constantly criticizing yourself, or judging your journey, you're not going to get very far. Judgment and criticism hold us back, they don't help us move forward, even if it feels like being hard on ourselves will help us change. This can be one of the fastest ways to get stuck. We need to find resiliency in the hard times. You're never going to be perfect, or have everything go well, it's about how you react to what happens that's important. Can you approach a situation, a hard feeling, or disappointment with curiosity, openness, and compassion?
The toxic or problematic environment you're trying to change in is staying the same.
Last but not least, if we are still in the same toxic lifestyle, we will have an incredibly hard time changing. If you're working on your anxiety and stress, but are still in the same toxic job that requires you to overwork, it's going to be really hard to find that relaxation response. It's not just about the internal work, but also your external world. Look around you and see what you need to change- your relationships, job, and communication patterns? These all matter. If you're constantly looking at the news on your phone, how is that making you feel? How is it living in your body, and how does it enforce how you perceive the world? Everything and everyone you surround yourself with impacts you, so how do you want to create an environment that works for you?
It's natural for your automatic responses to stay the same. It takes effort, support, and compassion to see change. It doesn't mean you're broken if it hasn't been working, it means we need to take a different approach.
If any of this resonated with you, consider therapy for life transitions in Texas!
It’s normal to struggle with soothing your nervous system. Our body’s survival biology is still within us. That’s why making changes can be so difficult. If you’re considering how hard it’s been for you to make big decisions, consider therapy for life transitions in Texas with me. In therapy for life transitions, we can create new patterns and skills to help you, and your nervous system, cope with new changes. You deserve this. Here’s how to get started:
Fill out a free consultation form.
Meet with Grace to see if we’re a good fit!
Start finding calm in your nervous system & reduce your stress
Other Mental Health Services at Elevate Therapy
At my Austin, TX-based therapy practice, I take pride in offering unique therapy services that revolve around the nervous system. This doesn’t stop with therapy for life transitions, I offer more. With a holistic approach to wellness, I understand and prioritize a strong connection between the mind, body, and soul. I am dedicated to helping individuals find healing from a variety of issues, including depression, trauma, eating disorders, and anxiety. If you aren’t yet sure about starting therapy with me, please explore my blog!
